Liquidation Bin
by burningnightmare 59
Summary: This is a suggestive title. Take it wherever you want.--- Kalas goes on a hunt for the Lost Ocean. But that's the easy part...
1. Burnin' Down the House

The Liquidation Bin

Chapter 1: Burnin' Down the House

Just so you know, I like Baten Kaitos. But I also love making fun of it. I also don't own it.

It was a warm day. A very warm day. It was too bad Kalas had just been shot. He couldn't see anything. That's usually the way it works when you are unconscious.

Kalas awoke with a start. It wasn't a warm day- his house was on fire! When this realization struck him, a glitch occurred in the game, and his cloak went into his head. _Darn graphics chip!_ he thought, sweeping it away. He was just wondering why everyone thought the graphics were so good, when his hair was set on fire.

Thinking quickly, he dunked his head into a barrel of water. But wait! The water barrel was really the oil bucket in disguise! The oil bucket snickered and rolled away, pouring oil on the burning flames.

In his moment of panic, Kalas remembered a wise saying of his grandfather's. His grandfather used to tell him, "Kalas, if you don't remember anything else I say, which is likely to happen, remember this…"

That was all he could remember.

Another phrase came to his mind: "Stop, drop, and roll." But how to stop, drop, and roll on one's head? There was only one answer…

BREAKDANCING!

A disco ball dropped from the ceiling, and a DJ jumped out from the fireplace, playing a catchy techno beat. The dancing flames settled into a rhythm, and Kalas was off.

The harmony lasted only a moment before his head was put out, and everything returned to normal. Kalas looked in the mirror and gasped. The fire had turned his hair blue!

His own troubles were soon forgotten when a cry was heard from a corner. There, dying, was his somehow related relative, Fee.

"Pee! Pee!"

"It's 'Fee' you dolt. You always were an idiot, weren't you?" Fee replied with a cough.

"Now, now, Fee," Kalas said like a man cooing a savage bear, "You…uh…don't know what you're saying. The fumes must have gotten to you."

"Just be quiet and listen!" Fee shouted in aggravation. "You must…go on a journey…to find the lost ocean…"

And Fee collapsed in Kalas' arms. A tear came to Kalas' eye. He didn't know what to do…how to react…

"Eww! I'm touching a dead body!"

He threw Fee into the oil bucket, who had come back to wreak more havoc. The bucket exploded.

Kalas decided to take up his brother's…cousin's…nephew's…relative's last wish. He ran from the house, down to the Subway. After buying himself a sub, he went to the subway, munching on an Olive-Jalapeno Chicken Meatball Special.

He bought a ticket for the 7:00 train to the End of the World. Fifteen minutes later, the train arrived. All the seats were taken, so he was forced to stand between a witch and an Iron Beetle V. He got off the subway and onto a tour tram. The driver supplied the passengers with facts and trivia that might have been interesting to a rabid hedgehog while Kalas slurped on a Caffeine-free GeldoPlus.

The tram stopped a the Edge of the World, the #1 site of tourist death in the land, their motto: "We promise that you may or may not be safe viewing our spectacul- whaa!"

Carefully peering over the edge, the caught a glimpse of the ocean. "Mission complete!" he shouted.

"…Back then, philosophers thought the world was round. Then, in 15154, Giacomo the –14th looked out over the Edge of the World," the tour guide rambled on over the sceams of falling tourists.

That was when Kalas remembered. "Giacomo was the one who burned my house down and shot me!"

He turned to go, but the witch from the subway stood in his way.

"Beware, young man," she warned, "that you choose your friends wisely. One of your companions will betray you to your doom!"

She then tripped and fell over the Edge of the World.


	2. Friends and Family

I don't own Baten Kaitos. Deal with it. And review.

Chapter 2: Friends and Family 

Kalas returned to his home, unsure of where to go from here. He pulled out his player's guide. But then he remembered that they had never made one.

His house was finally put out. The local Fire Deprivation Squad was just riding over the distant hill, playing their theme song on kazoos. The house was a total mess of smoke and ash: the planks were charred, the new upholstery was ruined, and a pillar of smoke rose from the concaved roof. Kalas went inside to sit down and read the paper.

With the day's paper (QUEEN CORELLIA'S BABY HAS WHAT?) safely tucked under his arm, he swept away some smoke, and nearly gagged at what was sitting in his chair.

It was absolutely hideous. A weird, mask-like thing seemed to be covering its face. The strange clothing it wore could only mean one thing…

"Hi! I'm Lyude! I'm not evil!" it said.

"What?"

"Nice place you have here. Of course, not as fancy as what I'm used to, being in the Imperial Ranks."

"Aren't the Imperials fascist, left-wing dictators who would like nothing better than to watch all of us squirm in pain?" Kalas asked.

"Of course not! They're not evil! What ever gave you that idea?" Lyude answered.

Kalas caught sight of another man, whacking things with a paddle, which squirted water. Standing in a corner staring at the wall was a woman with a green, skintight suit. She didn't seem to be moving or breathing.

"What are you all doing!" roared Kalas.

"I thought it was pretty obvious," said the man, continuing to whack things.

"There has been a disturbance," said the woman.

"No, no! Who are you people?" Kalas yelled back, frustrated.

"I'm Gibari. That's Savyna, there in the corner. And, you've already met Lyude, who is not evil, by the way," the man said calmly, moving on from whacking the fireplace to the coffee table.

"We must be cautious of ourselves if we are to be living," Savyna mumbled into the wall.

"What's up with her?" Kalas questioned.

"She got lost in translation," Gibari replied calmly, whacking Kalas over the head with the paddle. Then, Gibari became bored with that paddle and preceded to switch to a flaming paddle.

As he got up from the floor, Kalas saw two other characters across the room, throwing cards at each other. A stranger looking one was hovering in the air, while the other was flying a few feet above the ground on pink wings.

"Fire Burst!" yelled the girl, tossing a card at the hovering midget. The card flew into a hole in the smaller one's mask where it exploded.

"Hi, Kalas!" said the girl as the other in the mask flittered to the ground. As its lifeless body hit the ground, it was taken into a dimension hole and disappeared. "I'm Xella. I think I just killed Mizuti."

"What are you all doing here?" Kalas sighed, exasperated.

They stared at him for a moment. Gibari even stopped whacking things. "Well," he said, "the player's guide said to come here."

"They never made a player's guide," said Kalas.

"Oh. Oops," replied Gibari, knocking Xella upside the head.

Then, music began drifting through the windows. It sounded familiar…Everyone looked at Gibari. His flaming paddle had started the fire again.

"Oh, no! It's the FDS's kazoos! Scatter!" shouted Xella.

"Why? What's so bad about the-" Then, a torrent of water streamed in through the windows, knocking Kalas back into the wall.

"Ugh, the second time today!" scoffed Lyude, who is not evil.

"Hey, Kalas!" said Xella. "I found a letter for you."

"What? Where?" Kalas asked.

"It was stuffed in the player's guide," she answered.

"But there was no- ugh…what does it say?"

"It's from the High Supreme Lord Rulers of the World Council."

"Oh? What do they want?"

"'Dear Kalas: We have just been informed that a giant nuclear missile has been launched toward the world…whatever this world is called. Anyway, it would be really really great if you and your friends would go and find out where it came from because the player's guide says so. Thanks, The High Supreme Lord Rulers of the World Council,'" Xella read to them.

"Well, okay, everyone. If you won't go away, I guess you can come with me," Kalas said.

"Yaay!" said Xella.

"All right!" said Gibari raising his paddle.

"Yes!" said Lyude.

"It is satisfying to think of the eight of us traveling as one group," said Savyna.

_Yaay! I finished the second chapter! Now, the least you can do is review it!_


End file.
